Hi my friends
I feel funny today, crikey so much going on in my head. One minute Im on such a high and life couldnt be better then today I feel really down and empty and lost - how wierd is that! I went out with John to the cafe in the park and he was talking to me and I was just staring at all the trees and not listening to what he was saying to me then I could see his frustration and he was upset that I was all quiet and I never did anything about it! I just felt wierd and empty.
When we got home he hugged me and lead me upstairs where we laid on the bed and cuddled. Then I just burst into tears and cried and cried. Lots of things going on in my head. My back still playing up and fed up with feeling uncomfortable, so the injection never worked, loads of housework and I just ignore it all the time but it piles up, can't get into my art at the moment, feel lost and don't know what to do next, suppose it will be better when I get my space, feel I can't keep all my friends happy, too much to do, brain overload cant cope! Nightmare!!! Everyone says ooooh I admire you Laine - going to college, coping with all the kids and always being happy - well I'm not and I don't!! John said that James (his eldest boy, 14) noticed that I was not right at the weekend. Why do I always have to be the happy one, the one who listens to everyone else - the one who makes all the decisions - whenever I feel down everybody comments on it - am I not allowed to be a bit moody and quiet sometimes!!! Oh dear here I go rambling on!! Sorry folks just be having a bit of feel sorry for myself day.
Anyway I poured it all out to John and he listened and he cuddled me and he said that we both got alot on our minds at the moment and thats probably why we have been bickering a bit. I love him so much I dont want to fall out with him. Anyway we made up and Im smiling now.
I think what set me off today is that my brother's fiancee had sent me some lovely pictures of my beautiful nephew and I miss them all so much - its frustrating not being able to fit everything in to my life - there isnt enough time!!!! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr LOL right maybe I need a doctor LOL