Tuesday, 21 March 2006

Feeling wierd

Hi my friends

I feel funny today, crikey so much going on in my head.  One minute Im on such a high and life couldnt be better then today I feel really down and empty and lost - how wierd is that!  I went out with John to the cafe in the park and he was talking to me and I was just staring at all the trees and not listening to what he was saying to me then I could see his frustration and he was upset that I was all quiet and I never did anything about it! I just felt wierd and empty.

When we got home he hugged me and lead me upstairs where we laid on the bed and cuddled. Then I just burst into tears and cried and cried. Lots of things going on in my head.  My back still playing up and fed up with feeling uncomfortable, so the injection never worked, loads of housework and I just ignore it all the time but it piles up, can't get into my art at the moment, feel lost and don't know what to do next, suppose it will be better when I get my space, feel I can't keep all my friends happy, too much to do, brain overload cant cope! Nightmare!!! Everyone says ooooh I admire you Laine - going to college, coping with all the kids and always being happy - well I'm not and I don't!!  John said that James (his eldest boy, 14) noticed that I was not right at the weekend.  Why do I always have to be the happy one, the one who listens to everyone else - the one who makes all the decisions - whenever I feel down everybody comments on it - am I not allowed to be a bit moody and quiet sometimes!!! Oh dear here I go rambling on!! Sorry folks just be having a bit of feel sorry for myself day. 

Anyway I poured it all out to John and he listened and he cuddled me and he said that we both got alot on our minds at the moment and thats probably why we have been bickering a bit.  I love him so much I dont want to fall out with him. Anyway we made up and Im smiling now.

I think what set me off today is that my brother's fiancee had sent me some lovely pictures of my beautiful nephew and I miss them all so much - its frustrating not being able to fit everything in to my life - there isnt enough time!!!! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr LOL right maybe I need a doctor LOL

Laine xxxxxx

 

10 comments:

haileen2003 said...

(((Hugs))) Laine...chin up
I've 'written' to you
Aileen....X

aniracj said...

I know that feeling only too well!!! At least John lets you cry and get it all out!! The minute I start crying I get told to stop cos he can't swim....I think the idea is to make me laugh but Oh how I would love a man that is sympathetic enough to understand what I am about.......... and it sounds like you have one!!! Chin up honey, go have a few sessions in a sun booth, it is amazing what it can do for your spirits in this lousy weasther!!!

ally123130585918 said...

Laine John sounds a love and most understanding ~ we all feel down at times and it is lovely that you can pour it all out ~ and have a cuddle as well ~ sorry your back is still hurting ~ Friends don't need to be kept happy all the time ~ I expect they have there down days as well ~ it is amazing how housework can pile up ~ but I am sure you will get it all sorted ~ a little at a time ~  Ally

jeadie05 said...

Its so lovely John understands ,thats half the battle ,I know what you mean about being all things to all people ,some times you want to say ,WHAT ABOUT MEEEE ,any way I thought we agreed we like happy dust !..........Jan xx

jmoqueen said...

It's so nice that John is there to support you and give you hugs :-)  Try not to feel so down Lainey I'm sure there will be a light at the end of the tunnel for you....
((((((((hugs)))))))) jen xx

sazzylilsmartazz said...

Laine,
You don't need a doctor. You've just discovered that superwoman doesn't exist (and never did) Do what you can do and enjoy the fact that you have John to support you.
Dianna

jamcs605 said...

I enjoyed your journal.  Your John is a dear to bring you such beautiful flowers.  Do you spin the sheeps wool?  How is the little lamb doing I wonder.  What is the blue mark on the back of the sheep.  In the pictures with all smiles...so cute.
Janice  

sdrogerson said...

poor you............hope you feel  a wee bit better today?

jeanno43 said...

We cannot carry all the weight all the time.  Sometimes we just need to let it out.  Glad that John was so supportive .  Hopefully you will be able to see your beautiful newphew soon.  Hugs.

http://journals.aol.co.uk/jeanno43/JeannettesJottings/

gdireneoe said...

Oh hon...((((((((((Laine))))))))...isn't love a ringer? ;)  C.  http://journals.aol.com/gdireneoe/thedailies